June 5, 2021

Health Is For Pussies

By Jason Toth

With so many people talking about health, diet and so on lately, I decided it’s about time I really do some research into the matter myself so I can make up my own mind.

I have to admit, I climbed down quite a rabbit hole here and found some startling data that as far as I can tell, no one else in the world is aware of!

Now I don’t expect you to just take this data from me, you’ll find once you know what to look for, it’s actually very easy to verify for yourselves. So while this may seem like some flat Earth conspiracy nonsense, do go check it out and you’ll see it’s true.

So get this. After exhaustive research, I have discovered conclusively that in fact 100% (not close to 100%, but ACTUALLY 100%) of all people who have ever lived in history, have died.
Now this frankly blew me away, but I came up with name after name and just couldn’t find an exception. Alexander the Great, Leonardo Da Vinci, Sun Tzu, you name them, they died!

This really startled me, so I took a good look at more recent history to see what the trends looked like and this is where I got horrified and shocked. It appears to the best of my research abilities, that in addition to the above, 100% of all people ALIVE TODAY, are going to die very soon! I’m talking probably less a thousand years!!! In fact some of my research indicates that most people alive today could even die in less than a couple of HUNDRED years.

And look, I don’t want to startle anyone more than I already have, but there is reason to believe that some people, perhaps even quite a few will die in LESS THAN ONE HUNDRED years from now!!!!!

This hit me really hard, but the evidence is hard to ignore and I really don’t know what to do about it. But it just seems irrefutable, that all people currently alive, will relatively soon (or basically immediately on a geological scale), die.

The kicker is that this applies to every person, on every diet, who does or doesn’t do any kind of exercise or any other ritual. No exceptions! The time before death is actually statistically almost identical for every person ever to have lived, some people die at birth, others – let’s be lenient here – maybe a thousand years at best, but possibly only 100! So basically everyone dies pretty much the moment they are born geologically speaking.

Now I know that’s a lot to take in and I really don’t want to overwhelm anyone, but I felt it was my duty to share this information with the world.